Breaching the Screen: Vol 2
by Capt. Incredible
Summary: Following where Vol 1. left off, another series of jaunts into the life of Khan and his party as they explore some of the more unrealistic quirks of the game...
1. A Time for Everything: Almost

_Author's Note: So... you all were right. I couldn't stay away. Sure enough as I finished the series and said to myself, "I'm out of ideas, I might as well stop"... some more popped up. So, between new screen breaches of my own imagination, and wonderful ideas that people have thrown out in reviews and the like... here it is. Volume 2. Enjoy! Oh, and a big thanks to Italian Empress 1985 for this chapter's idea!_

_A Time for Everything... Almost_

Jaheira stumbled out of her cell, almost falling if not for the aid of the young girl before her, catching her and keeping her aloft. Jaheira flashed a quick smile of gratitude towards Imoen as she got her footing again, trying to keep feeling in her legs after the long days of captivity within her cell. Minsc stood across from them both, his expression somber, but still a more than welcome sight in the darkness of their current situation.

"Well... now that we're all up and about, let's try and find Khalid and get out of here, eh?"

Khan's familiar voice drifted over from the broad paladin in the corner, holding the door open for the rest of the crew. Jaheira could not suppress a roll of the eyes; only Khan would think to keep up his manners in such a dark place. Still, they followed him out, each one alert and at the ready for any sign of danger. A quick scavenge of dead assassins lying about had yielded some leather armor for them and a few weapons as well; Imoen clutched a dagger while Minsc and Khan held swords, Jaheira holding her customary staff.

For a dungeon that was run by a wizard as powerful and mysterious as their captor... it was guarded rather poorly. Kobolds and goblins seemed to be the extent of their foes as they made their way up and down the halls, looking for some clue on how to escape... wherever they were. Khan glanced back at the others to ensure they were still with him; for all he knew they could be in Neverwinter. Still, no matter where they were, it changed nothing. This madman who had captured would pay for what he had done... how hard could he really be to escape from and kill, right?

An upcoming door caught their attention; Imoen wrinkled her nose at the sight of it. Covered in small bits of sludge and sewage, that and the emanating smell suggested a sewer tunnel behind it. Khan stepped up and yanked on the handle, but it did not budge. Minsc joined him in pulling, but not even their combined strength could force the door open. Khan sighed, shaking his hands in a vain attempt to remove the gunk. "It's locked... but I'd bet my sword that this is our best bet of escaping."

"Through a sewer tunnel? Again?" Imoen protested. "Didn't we do this in Baldur's Gate?"

"Yes, but this isn't Baldur's Gate, now is it?" Khan reminded. "Well it is, but it's the sequel- ahem. Never mind about that. The point is that the sewer tunnels will most likely lead out to another entrance somewhere in the city, which is where I'm assuming we are, considering the size of these passages."

"And how do you propose we open this?" Jaheira asked, her acerbic tone unchanged by the experience of being captured. "Unless you intend to pound your head against it, we do not have the strength to force our way through."

Khan forced a smile, and then gestured for them to head back the way they had come. "There are plenty of other passages we didn't try; one of them might lead to a different entry. If we hurry, we can escape before whatever's occupying our captor leaves."

"Minsc would welcome a fight right now!" the ranger growled. "Dynaheir must be avenged!"

Imoen clutched Minsc's hand comfortingly, the ranger exhaling and smiling at her as they moved, continuing through the tunnels, searching for a new exit... until they found another door. Khan grinned, trotting up to the door and grasping hold of the similarly dirty door handle, yanking hard... only for his hands to slip off the handle and send him to the ground with an inglorious thud. Jaheira arched one eyebrow as Khan pulled himself back up, trying to brush the sludge off himself once more. "Very impressive, Khan... very impressive."

"Not another word." he warned, bracing himself against the door with Minsc, both yanking as hard as they could... once more to no avail. Khan cursed as he let go, resting against the wall nearby. "Blast... of course the madman would lock his sewer tunnels. Everyone locks their sewers."

"Any other ideas?" Imoen asked hopefully.

"Well... let's try looking for another exit. It can't hurt." Khan shrugged as they took off once more, navigating through the dirty passages and dark corridors. Two more sewer doors were found... each one locked as before. Another hour was spent searching, but there were no other exits in or out. They trudged back and forth, looking for some possible way of opening the impregnable doors- Imoen yelped in surprise as she spotted an open room they had missed previously, filled with tables and other strange looking equipment, but more importantly, in the middle stood a golem, covered in sewage and slime. The others slipped in hesitantly, waiting for any attack by the construct, but it simply stood there, rumbling to itself quietly.

"What do you think?" Khan breathed.

"It's covered in gunk and sewage... it looks like it was built to clean the sewers." Imoen muttered, brightening considerably. "That's it! The golem can open the doors for us. It must be the only thing that can let us through!"

A sigh of relief was heard by all as they saw the truth of Imoen's words; Khan opened his mouth to speak to the golem-

"HUUURGHHH."

The golem rumbled something, cutting Khan off. The paladin frowned, glancing at the others. They shrugged, Khan opening his mouth to try again- "HUUURGGHHHH!!"

"What?!" Khan shouted in irritation.

"I think..." Imoen mumbled, her brow knit in thought. "I think it said something. I could almost make it out... try again."

"You-"

"HUUURRGGGGGH!!"

"I just want to ask-"

"HUUURRRGGGHHHGH!!!"

"Stop that!!" Khan roared, cutting the golem off before it could rumble again. "Look here! We need you to open the doors so we can keep moving. If you don't, we'll be stuck here forever. We found the wardstone to make you work, so just... go do your thing, okay?!"

The golem rumbled again, this time quieter, Imoen listening intently... she frowned, shaking her head. "Um... I think I finally figured out what it was saying. I think we might be in a bit of trouble though."

"Well, go ahead and say it." Khan frowned.

Imoen mumbled it sheepishly, loud enough for Khan to hear but not quite loud enough for the others.

Khan stared at Imoen for a moment... "You have got to be kidding me."

"Why? What is it saying?" Jaheira demanded.

Khan shook his head, glaring daggers of hatred at the construct. "Cannot initiate dialogue. I appear to be busy."


	2. That's Gotta Hurt

_That's Gotta Hurt_

Darkness. Darkness and foreboding filled the dank, dusty tombs deep underground, filled with dead men's bones, treasures hidden from the robbers of the grave... and the undead. Khan spat a curse as he dodged aside from one skeleton's mace, only to come within inches of being impaled on a suddenly protruding spike. Lunging forward again, his own blade cut the monster in half, sending his spirit back to the Abyss. Watching his footing, he looked all around, grimacing with fear and regret as he saw the numerous wounds they had suffered along with the number of foes still facing them-

"Back to the hall! We must get out of here!" he roared, waving for them to head toward the door that had led them into this death trap. They should have guessed it was a trap; the vampire's taunts in leading them down there, the dozens of spikes protruding from the walls, all the tiny holes in the ground below them... it was kind of their fault for walking into it, truth be told. Khan's eyes widened as he felt a spike shoot up towards him; a sidestep later and he was still in one piece, although only barely. He made one last flying leap to the door, holding his breath as several spikes just behind him launched, each one inches from impaling him.

Turning to face the rest of his comrades, he winced as he spied one spike just barely catch the side of Minsc's leg as he moved, the ranger grimacing in pain but holding it in, merely running faster as the mummies and wraiths followed behind. Aerie was next to cross the line; she turned and shouted the words to her priestly magic, summoning the powers of her gods to turn the undead who chased them. Jaheira crossed to safety... then Yoshimo. A skeleton imploded upon itself as it got close enough, as did a wraith and a zombie. Minsc's blade swung out and caught a mummy that got too close, protecting Aerie as she continued her chants, keeping them all safe and destroying any undead who ventured close enough.

The light around her faded as she ceased, slowly shrinking as the magic faded, Aerie exhaling in relief. "Did we all make it? I... I think everyone made it across, right?"

Khan did a quick head count... Jaheira, Minsc, himself, Aerie, Yoshimo... hmm. Khan scratched his head, then his eyes widened with realization. "Oh hell."

Jaheira realized it too; she smacked her face into her hand with a curse, shaking her head. "That squire we allowed to travel with us... he's still in there, isn't he."

"Hmm. Perhaps I should go take a quick peek and spy where the good knightling is hiding?" Yoshimo offered.

"No... the spike traps might get you. Bad enough you can't detect them; we can't afford to lose you in here too." Khan shook his head, slowly creeping forward, trying to peer through the field of spikes to see- Khan wrinkled his nose, wincing. "Ow. Er... we've got some resurrection spells memorized, right?"

"Yes, why- Oh." Aerie closed her eyes, exhaling deeply. "I think the spikes got him."

"Yeah... Aerie, why don't you go ahead and, uh... well, get him back up and running."

Aerie nodded and began her spellcraft, her tones deep and steady, channeling all the wizardly power she possessed- the body of Anomen, priest of Helm, filled with light and life once again, his eyes flashing open as the hole that had so violently ended his life closed. He slowly climbed to his feet, shaking his head as he tried to get his bearings. "W-what? What had happened? One moment I was covering our flank while we retreated, the next I-"

"Long story, Anomen." Khan cut him off. "Just get back over here to us."

"But... I feel so weak." Anomen managed, obviously struggling to even keep his mace up as he steadied himself.

"All Aerie has is Raise Dead... you're still wounded very badly." Khan reassured. "Just get on over here and we'll get you healed up, all right?"

"Yes... yes of course." Anomen's tone strengthened as he slowly made his way over, limping heavily, face ashen.

Khan glanced at the others with a sigh of relief, then turned back to Anomen with a shout on his lips, a word of warning- the sound of a spike rushing upward made everyone wince, as well as the sight about thirty feet away. "Maybe I should have warned him about that." Khan frowned.

"I can cast Raise Dead once more." Aerie reassured, awaiting the go-ahead from Khan before beginning her spells again. A second time, the winds blew and magic thundered, raising Anomen back to his feet. "I... by Helm, I feel terrible! Did I-"

"You just died again, Anomen." Khan said, taking a deep breath. "Now get over here so we can heal you, but this time, be careful."

Anomen nodded; taking a quick breath, he slowly began staggering towards them, trying to avoid the holes below, his eyes wide as he got within 25 feet... 20 feet... 15-

A simultaneous wince ran through the group as Anomen dropped to the ground a third time. Khan rolled his eyes and turned to the others. "Should we just leave him?"

"As appealing as it sounds... I can cast Harper's Call." Jaheira sighed. "Once more."

The group watched with resigned amusement as Anomen rose a third time, shaking his head as though ridding himself of the cobwebs of a long sleep. He blinked several times, finally letting his vision clear. Khan extended one hand, stressing each word as he spoke. "Anomen... I'm going to toss you a healing potion. Drink it... then keep walking."

Khan threw the potion up... just a bit short. Anomen stepped forward to catch it-

An explosion of... body parts, sent the rest of the party ducking for cover, Khan cursing furiously as he stood up straight again. "Damn critical damage..."

"Oh my." Aerie covered her mouth as she looked at what had once been Anomen. "I... that's going to be really hard to resurrect."

_Author's Postscript: Ok, just as a quick disclaimer, I am not an Anomen hater nor do I take any sort of pleasure in writing about repeated character deaths. This just kept happening to him in that one spike pit in Bodhi's lair, and well... it was pretty funny at the time._


	3. Find a Penny, Pick It Up

_Find A Penny, Pick It Up_

"You have got to be kidding me." Khan said in disbelief, listening to the rogue before them. "There's no way you could want that much- do you have any idea how long that'll take us to find?!"

"For a group with your skills? Nae' longer than a few weeks, d'be my guess." Gaelan Bayle grinned at the four of them, shrugging as he leaned back in the chair he'd been seated in since bringing the recently escaped prisoners of Irenicus to his home. A proposition, he had called it, a way to regain Imoen and strike back at their captor. Needless to say, he hadn't quite mentioned the price of this help until they'd already settled in.

"You sneaky thieves are trying to cheat Minsc! Cheat him and his friends out of finding our lost Imoen!" the ranger growled. "Do not test Boo's patience-"

"Never, Minsc. I wouldn't test the patience of your rodent friend for all the gold in the world... but the price stands as it is." Gaelan shrugged. "There's plenty of work around this city; with the guild war heating up, there's sides all around who could use a little protection here, some muscle for jobs there... like I said, no problem for four adventurers such as yourself."

"Each passing second makes me dislike you more." Jaheira said, her voice low and just threatening enough to break the unwavering cool on Gaelan's face. "Perhaps instead of throwing out platitudes and blind directions, you might actually guide us to some work to obtain the over-indulgent price you have forced us into paying."

Gaelan coughed, then shook his head. "Er, of course! Let's see here... the Copper Coronet, aye, that's a place that's always bustling with activity of a sort. Whatever side you fancy, light or dark, sur'nough there'll be work for you. Hear tell of some nasty business involving slaves; it'd involve a fair bit of fighting for low coin, but if you're of the mind to be doing some good deeds, you could start there."

"There's news coming from out in the plains, the De'Arnise Keep's got trouble of its own. Trolls, yuan-ti, even some umber hulks. I doubt you could get there in time to stop the invasion, but there'll be plenty of reward for the soul brave enough to go in and clear the buggers out. Don't expect it to be easy, and you might want to think about gathering a few more souls like yourselves before trying it out; you can find mercenaries in the Coronet that I mentioned earlier. Maybe a mage might be handy for yer group; fire, acid, you'll need it all to keep the trolls down. Oh, but that should nae' be a problem for a druid like yourself, eh?"

Jaheira rolled her eyes, gesturing for him to continue.

"Yes, well... hnh... coo! I'd almost forgot about that bit of trouble!" Gaelan chuckled. "Over in the Umar Hills, that's a right mess there. Nobody really knows what be happening over there, but it be nastier than wolves or ogres, let me tell you. Something's been killing the townsfolk, and if it ain't a dark magic of sorts than you can call me Elminster himself! I wouldn't want to take the challenge myself, but there's no doubt that the mayor of Imnesvale'd spend every gold piece left in his coffers to save the town from what be threatening it."

Yoshimo glanced at the others... he nodded to Gaelan. "Thank you... that was most helpful. We should be able to find work of a sort with little trouble."

"No trouble t'all!" Gaelan laughed. "I keep an ear open around the city for any sorts o' problems that might involve my... employers. If you need more ideas on where to find work, just drop on by. I should be around for another tenday or so."

The four left Gaelan's house, honestly just a bit overwhelmed about everything; new surroundings, a massive goal and several different avenues on how to pursue it. Jaheira cleared her throat, looking over at Khan. "As much as we might like to set out after the gold for Imoen immediately, Gaelan was right; we do need a mage of sorts. It might be wise to try this Coronet and see what manner of mercenaries might be found to travel with us, if any."

"Minsc disagrees." the ranger shook his head. "We have no time to waste; we must find Imoen as soon as possible! Minsc does not fear the dark; let us find these Umar Hills and show the villains there the might of right!"

"I would hesitate to take on such a task while we are yet so unprepared." Yoshimo cautioned. "We will need better weapons, and that means some amount of money. Something a hint safer than the Umar Hills might be in order; perhaps the slavers at the Coronet or the De'Arnise Keep."

Having said their viewpoints, the three looked at Khan, still quiet as though lost in thought... his face brightened, the paladin nodding firmly, obviously pleased with whatever idea he had come up with. "I've got it. We head to the Docks."

"Er... the docks?" Yoshimo frowned as he led them on, keeping their path centered towards that particular area of the city. "They house the local headquarters of the Shadow Thieves; I am not sure if you know, but I have had some of my own troubles when it comes to operating within Athkatla-"

"Don't worry about it." Khan waved him off. "Trust me; a few hours, maybe a day of searching at most and we'll have the money we need and be on our way."

"What?" Jaheira asked with a frown. "Bayle said nothing about work in the Docks. Have you heard of something we did not?"

"No... Oh look, we're here." Khan shrugged, his eyes narrowing as he looked over the area... a warehouse caught his eye and he headed straight for it. "That one over there."

"Khan, I- where are we going?!" Jaheira called in frustration as he lead them over, opening the door and slipping inside. She entered, blinked once in disbelief; Khan was pulling the top off one of hundreds and hundreds of crates and barrels that were stacked throughout the room, pulling several gold pieces out.

"Well? Go ahead and help; these crates don't empty themselves, you know."

_Author's PostScript: Thanks to Silver of Two Wings for some inspiration on this one!_


	4. Subcontracting

_Author's Note: Whew, been a while, eh? I'm still writing, still got ideas... just had a hard time getting the motivation up for writing the chapters. Just letting you know this story's still live, it just might be a bit of time between updates, that's all. That being said, I hope everyone remembers who the old man in the story is at the end and what he's talking about, or the story won't be (in my opinion), quite as funny._

_Subcontracting_

Mazzy quickened her step for a moment, eyeing their leader who walked at lead. She sidestepped a few crates that had been stacked on the ground in front of her as the party stalked through the Bridge District of Athkatla, on their way to the Docks in search of aid against Bodhi's guild of vampires. Khan was walking particularly fast today; she was almost caught up to him-

"Um... I wouldn't, Maz." Imoen dropped one hand on the halfling's shoulder, guiding her back a few feet as the thief-mage whispered. "Khan's been in... well, kind of a foul mood today."

"I only wished to ask him about our present state of equipment; surely he would like to know how our weapons and armor are faring for the next trip to the smithy?" Mazzy questioned, glancing up at Imoen with a hint of confusion.

"Oh, and any other day I'm sure he'd be ecstatic to hear it." Imoen said with a hint of sarcasm, but quickly returning to her conspiratorial tone, "But not today. You remember those last few muggers?"

"Oh... oh yes." Mazzy frowned. "Or what was left of them, rather. What has been eating at him, anyway? He does not seem his paladin self. Perhaps the taint...?"

"No... no if it were the taint then he'd be all scaly and demony." Imoen shook her head. "It's something else... but heck if I know. Last time I tried to pull a prank on him he nearly bit my head off."

Even as the two women continued their discussion of Khan's somewhat unusual behavior, the man in question continued leading the group onward, his face seemingly molded into a perpetual frown. Had anyone been listening closely enough, they would have heard his own muttering to himself, as well as the irritation present in his tone and stance. In fact, he was so caught up in his own cloud of unfriendliness, he failed to notice the old man dressed in tatters and rags that stood a good thirty feet off in the distance.

The old man caught a glimpse of the party of adventurers moving down the street; his eyes widened and he gave a toothless grin. Hobbling over to them, he called out, "Excuse me, forgive me milord, but I-"

"Not now." Khan's simple but curt answer seemed to take the old man and the party both by surprise, but to the old man's credit, he didn't give up quite so easily.

"Oh, but it'll only take a half-minute, sir. Y'see-"

"You want me to do something for you, right?" Khan snapped, whirling to face the man directly. "Want me to solve some dread problem that's come up in your life, huh?"

"Um... well, sort of." the old man stammered. "I have this problem-"

"Problem?! You think you've got problems?" Khan barked a laugh, then strode over to the old man, now quivering slightly, putting one arm over his shoulder. "C'mere. I want to tell you some things."

"No... no, that's okay, I'm sorry to have bothered you-" he said fearfully, but Khan pulled him closer, shaking a finger and chuckling bitterly.

"No, you wanted to tell me all about your problems, so now I get to tell you about mine. Sounds fair? Good. Now, you want to compare problems? Okay. Fine. Let's start with parents. Did you have a good family? Mother? Father? Good. Me? I didn't know my mother... my father was Bhaal. Yeah, the dead God of Murder. So... unless your father happened to be a dead deity who personified some wicked act like Hate... I think I've got you beat right out of the gate when it comes to problems!"

The old man's quivers turned to actual shaking as he slowly tried to pull away again, Khan once more drawing him back with the arm around his shoulder. "Oh no no no, don't worry. I'm no Bhaalspawn like you've heard about. See not only am I a Bhaalspawn, but I had the _fantastic _luck of being born with a good role model, so I actually have a conscience! I don't get to run around and slaughter mindlessly like the rest of my kin, I have to feel bad about that sort of thing! No butchering for this Bhaalspawn! Nope, I get to struggle and suppress all those nasty urges inside! Isn't that wonderful?!"

"Don't think I'm done yet, sir. I've got more, believe me." Khan smiled broadly, ignoring the pedestrians who were rapidly dispersing, putting as much distance between them and the raving man. "So I save the city of Baldur's Gate. The whole thing. Stop my evil half-brother from becoming the new Lord of Murder. What do I get for it? I get captured and thrown into a dungeon where two of my closest friends are killed and my sister gets kidnapped! Lucky me! When I finally raise the TWENTY THOUSAND gold pieces I need to rescue her, it turns out to be a trap. Again. One of my party betrays me and we're back to square one."

"I'm very sorry sir... please let go of me..." the old man whimpered, but Khan kept right on talking.

"On top of all that, turns out this madman's goal is to steal my soul. Yeah, mine and my sister's. So now I'm not only a Bhaalspawn, but a soulless one. So every time I get just a bit too angry or the like, I turn into a giant demon. Oh, and I also just fought my way through the Underdark, where I was nearly roasted by beholders, mind flayers, and drow. And the stuck-up elves who greeted me with another damn quest the moment I got out won't even tell me who the blazes this Irenicus really is!! So you want me to do something for you, huh? Gonna pay me some gold pieces for my trouble? Well, what the hell I am I going to use them for?! When do I eat?! We never eat! Going to buy new weapons?! No! The best stuff we just randomly find! Why the hell does everyone think that they can subcontract their entire life's problems to me, because I happen to be walking down the street and carrying a sword! Why?!!"

Khan exhaled, his teeth gritted as he finally let himself stop speaking... the old man collapsed on the street, curled up and crying. Khan sighed, shaking his head and turning back to his party- he winced, noting the numerous looks ranging from shock to outright anger on their faces. Aerie and Jaheira both stalked up to him, Khan opening his mouth to speak-

Khan's head twisted to one side, his face still stinging from Jaheira's slap. "Ow! Jaheira, you-"

"Khan, get a hold of yourself." she ground out.

He tried to respond- his face burned again with the slap from Aerie. "Aerie! I-"

"Khan, apologize to the man." Aerie said with a frown and folded arms.

Khan sighed, glancing back at the two, then turned back to the man on the ground, still blubbering his eyes out. "Look sir... here, let me help you up..."

He pulled the old man to his feet, trying to sound as gentle as possible. "Okay okay... I'm sorry for yelling at you. I've been going through a lot lately, soul stealing, vampire fighting... just a big mess. You understand that right? Here, you said you had something for us to do- look, we'll help you out. Really, free of charge. Whatever it is."

"R-really? You'll help me?" the old man sniffed, rubbing his eyes.

"Sure, why not." Khan sighed. "How hard could it be?"

"Oh... okay." the man straightened, glancing back at the inn behind them all. "Well... my name's Vitollio, and it's... well, there's a man in there named Captain Dennis who owes me my bar tab..."


	5. Party Favors

_Party Favors_

Khan stretched his arms a bit behind him, letting his mind and body relax just a bit more as the cool morning air washed over him. The door was open to the house, and there was a gentle breeze just strong enough for him to feel from the sitting room he was currently laid out in... perfect. The sound of a carriage being drawn by several horses on the cobblestone streets outside was just a tad noisy for his tastes, but it soon passed, leaving him alone with his thoughts again. Well, mostly alone. Jaheira would be off in the back of the house, tending to the garden they had planted there a few years ago; he chuckled, just thinking about the idea.

Khan pulled himself up out of the chair and hobbled over to the opposite side of the room, only grimacing slightly as he felt his left leg twinge. He glanced down at it, remembering that battle with the Dragon Lord... he shook his head. How many years ago... fifteen? Twenty? He exhaled, noting his appearance in the mirror. A slight hint of silver had begun blossoming around his temples, a sign that no matter how powerful he was... age caught up with everyone, in the end. Even Jaheira, as long-lived as she was with her half-elven heritage, was no longer quite in her prime. Oh, she'd no doubt outlive him, probably by a good fifty years, but it had been agreed by both of them... there was a time for battle, and a time for peace. Now... peace sounded pretty good.

He smiled contentedly, then made his way back over to the chair for some more relaxation-

"Dad! Dad!"

The sound of his teenage son's cries, followed by numerous sets of footsteps thundering through the house stole any thoughts he had continued to entertain of a relaxing afternoon. He forced a smile as he turned to greet the four teens who had found him, his son at their forefront. "What is it, Jinn?"

"I was talking to my friends at school today, and I told them about some of your adventurers. They were really impressed; I even told them about the time with the dragon and the mage and the vampires-"

"I get it, son." he said with a chuckle, eyeing the other boys behind him. Expectation was evident on their faces, and he could tell without doubt what they were looking for. "You want me to tell some more stories, right?"

"Kind of." his boy frowned, then looked up in a pleading, earnest face. "Could you show them some of the cool gear and stuff you picked up while you were an adventurer? Pleaase?"

"We won't touch anything, sir, we promise!" A chorus of pleas and cries from his son's friends overwhelmed him and with a resigned yet bemused sigh, he nodded and waved for them to sit.

"All right, all right. Just give me a minute to go find one of my old adventuring packs." the boys sat, whispering quietly amongst themselves.

"I bet he's got some awesome armor!"

"I wanna see his sword! You said it was THE Holy Avenger?"

"No way!"

"It's true, I swear-"

They all quieted abruptly as Khan returned to the room, moving to sit before the excited group. "Let's see what we've got here in the old adventuring sack. You know, this was the same sack I wore when I adventured with the original group, son?"

"Really?" his son's eyes widened.

"Yup." Khan looked over at a picture on the mantel with Khan, Jaheira, Imoen, Aerie, Minsc, Mazzy, Valygar, Anomen, Sarevok, and Keldorn. It was after the Bhaalspawn wars, just before they had split, but he had wrangled one memento of the crew together. He shook his head. "I haven't cleaned this thing out in ages... Oh! Here's something..."

"What is it?"

"Gold?"

"Magic?"

"A key." Khan displayed it proudly, holding up a rusted key with a slight string of some plant growth hanging on it.

"What... what is it?" one boy asked with a frown.

"It's a key." Khan repeated himself. "It opens a door in the sewers below Athkatla."

"That's all? Does the door lead to some magic portal or something?" one boy pressed.

"Er... no. Just a few sewer tunnels. Some illithid were hiding in there, but no big deal. Never did figure out why Tazok had it." Khan continued, tossing it down. "Hmm... ah, I haven't seen this in a while."

"What? What?"

Khan proudly displayed a red piece of cloth, about the size of his fist. "This is a piece of a red shirt."

There was silence as Khan inspected it, nodding proudly. "I'm surprised the moths didn't find it tucked in here. Oh well, what else... hmm, coal, um... oh, Dace's hand... ew... the note from that damned Captain Dennis..."

"Um, sir? Don't you have any... you know, cool stuff?"

Either Khan heard and refused to answer or he was simply too engrossed in looking through his old adventuring bag. "Ooo... the power cells from Rielev... three more keys... King Strohm's mask... like I even needed it with True Sight... a demon heart. Huh. What do you know; I still have that Sun Disk from the Umar Hills... and the Shadow Wardstone too. Heh..."

Khan stopped finally, staring at the dumbfounded kids. "What's wrong? That's everything."

"But that thing's huge!" One child protested. "You only pulled a dozen things out."

"Well that's because backpacks only hold twelve things." Khan remarked. "Don't you know anything about adventuring... oh wait. I only found eleven things. Hmm... oh dear. I think I found the twelfth thing-"

The kids ran screaming from the house as Jaheira pushed in past them, glaring at Khan. "Khan... what did you do to the children?"

"Um... nothing. Just cleaning out an old pack, that's all." Khan shrugged, desperately pushing Montaron's corpse back into the slot it had been occupying. "Seems I need to clean out my pack more often."

_Author's Postscript: I actually don't remember how many slots a pack holds in-game. Probably more than twelve, but oh well._


	6. Ain't Love Grand

_Ain't Love Grand?_

"Khan?"

"Er... yes?" the paladin glanced over at the elven maid, arching one eyebrow at the somewhat close proximity of the cleric-mage. "Ahem... was there something you needed?"

"Well... I was hoping we could talk a bit." Aerie said, her face blossoming with hope. Khan tried to bite back a refusal; the two had been making excellent progress in bringing her out of the self-inflicted doubts and shell she had constructed for herself in the time she had spent with the group- she was a wonderful friend and might be more, if not for the oh-so-cliche damsel in distress scene that kept playing out between them. Still, there might be some kind of chance for them- "I understand if you're busy, I just... well, I really wanted to talk with someone for a moment."

"No, no... go ahead. You'll excuse me for a second, please?" Khan gave a smile and a nod to the figure off to the side, and then turned to Aerie. "What did you want to tell me?"

Aerie exhaled, trying to drag her glance up from the ground where it was resting. "I just... well, I wanted to apologize for the last few times we've talked. I know that you're under a lot of stress... y-you lead us all and keep us safe- and we never seem to talk about the troubles you have. It's always about me and whatever problems I-I have... and I don't think it's fair. I just want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. Please, feel free to ask me or talk whenever you want." Aerie finally stopped, looking back up to Khan's eyes. "I-I really do... well, that is- I care about you... I mean-"

"I know, Aerie. Me too." Khan said with a smile, running one finger down her cheek gently. She blushed a deep red as he nodded back towards the position in the group she usually took. "We're about to move; I'll talk to you later, all right?"

"Okay." she said, a hint of excitement in her voice as she scurried back, stealing half-glances at the paladin as she moved. He watched her move, then sighed with a shake of the head, turning back to the figure he had been facing before. "Now-"

"Khan?" Khan stopped mid sentence, abruptly closing his mouth. He pinched the bridge of his nose, recognizing the voice and the tone it contained, having heard it numerous times throughout their journeys since picking her up. Khan plastered an obviously forced smile onto his face as he raised one finger to the figure he was still attempting to speak with, mouthing an apology, then turned around. Still, any displeasure he had maintained was quickly batted away as he met the sultry gaze of Viconia, her dark eyes drawing him in as they did every time they spoke.

"Yes, Viconia..." he tried to absolve himself of all headiness, concentrating on the matters at hand. "I don't know if you noticed-"

"You would be surprised, jaluk, at how much I notice." she purred, running one hand across his forehead, brushing a lock of his hair behind his ear. "For example, I notice how you look at Viconia when we stop and take our rest for the night... is there something you would say... or do, given the chance?"

No matter how much he tried, he never had gotten used to Viconia's blatant and overt flirtations... especially since they usually ended up with her insulting him no matter what he said in the end. Khan had tried ignoring them, but she was quite... persistent. Not to mention the fact that he found himself attracted to her despite the hell she put him through daily; Khan sighed and tried to avoid looking at her directly. "Viconia... you know as well as I how beautiful you are. Do I truly need to repeat it? I would not imagine your vanity so dominant."

"Perhaps I merely wish to acknowledge that my shining knight in armor has not forgotten me in favor of some wingless bird." Viconia said, the small hint of venom in her voice directed at Aerie, the Avariel glaring even then from her position in the party. "Truly, I do not see what you find so amusing about her that you would keep her with us for so long. And if it is female companionship you seek... well-"

"O-kay there." Khan cut her off, trying desperately to get back to the subject at hand... mainly, the figure he had been trying to speak with for the past few minutes. "Viconia... how about we talk more about this later. Maybe tonight we can-"

"Tonight? You presume too much, rivvil!" Viconia laughed. "As if you could keep up with me. Simply be glad I have not abandoned you to your foolish nobilities and quests as of yet. Another time, jaluk."

She turned on her heel and strode off, leaving Khan more than a little dumbfounded as he tried to think of something to reply with- no. He shook himself, inhaled deeply, then turned for the third time to speak-

"Khan?"

It took every ounce of self-control Khan had not to turn and scream a resounding 'What', even though the voice was a dead giveaway as to the source, and judging from their past discussions it was obvious what the subject matter would be this time. He just wished Jaheira would save her quasi-romantic talks, that neither of them really admitted were romantic but both knew they were, until later. He turned to see her deep green eyes contemplating his, a deep thoughtfulness within. "I hope this is not a bad time to speak, but... well, I have given our situation with the Harpers more thought."

Khan sighed, his head bowed as he looked back towards the the great red dragon Firkraag, the beast resting on his haunches. "I'll bet you never had to deal with this kind of thing, did you. I hate to do this to you again, but can we threaten each other in just another few seconds? I promise this will be the last one, really."

"Please, take your time." Firkraag raised one eyebrow, gesturing for him to continue. "It has been years since I have seen a drama like this unfold. Um... just my opinion, but I'd go for the drow cleric. But that's just me."

_Author's Postscript: Every single time I went into Firkraag's area with the three girls in my party, every single one of them would choose then for a lovetalk. Every. Single. One._


	7. Patience is a Virtue

_Patience is a Virtue_

"No! It... it can't be you!"

_Hmm... too much 'fear.' Never a good thing. Looking for more pride, more threatening... with some surprise thrown in._

"How?! How is this possible?!"

_Er... no. Too much questioning. Still not enough arrogance and anger. Hmm... I'll bet my sister never had this problem. Probably just said something about 'blood' or 'darkness,' and left it at that. Creativity was never her strong point._

"Who... who dares?!!!"

_Hmm... _

"Yes!" Irenicus stood triumphantly, his hands clenched in victory. Of course, it would have been much more climactic had there been anyone around to see it. He sighed, relaxing again as he looked around the Tree. Here he was, the greatest elven wizard to have walked the streets of Suldenesselar, the Exiled one whose return was so close to completion he could taste it, his revenge at hand... and stuck waiting. He looked back and forth, looking down the different paths that the Tree made through the palace of Suldenesselar... he wondered if they were close.

The sound of footsteps echoing down the branches and foliage sent him alert- he quickly assumed the position: hands upraised, shimmering magic covering him as he absorbed the Power of the Tree, his victory at hand...

"Master..."

The gravelly voice and servile tone betrayed the intruder's identity; Irenicus rolled his eyes with a sigh and detached himself from the power of the Tree and glared at his iron golem. "Yes, what is it?"

"The city's final uprisings have been destroyed... Suldenesselar is yours." the golem said, stiffly moving to bow before its master.

"Of course it is. Do not bother me again until Khan and his followers have arrived." Irenicus growled, the golem turning and stomping back towards the city's core. The wizard shook his head and looked back down at the unconscious form of Ellesime. Maybe he should have left her awake... at least he would have had someone to talk to. Not that it would have been real friendly discussion, but it would have been nice. There was only so many times he could go over his plans for what he would say when they got there, or what his opening move in the fight would be, or Bhaal forbid his dramatic death scene, should it come to that.

Jon looked at the runes he had inscribed, the place where the power of the Tree awaited his command. He supposed he could just go ahead and do it now, without waiting for the party to show up... but it was so dull. What kind of plot ended like that? He chuckled evilly, and then sat down on the branch, looking for a spot he could get comfortable in, wincing as a branch poked him in small of the back. He stood, anger smoldering in his eyes as he looked at the offending piece of wood. He briefly considered blasting it with a fireball, raising one hand with flames playing over his fingers-

"Master..."

Irenicus turned, his eyes narrowing as he saw his iron golem before him, kneeling once again. "What is it?! I told you not to disturb me unless Khan and his followers were here."

"Forgive me, master... but the drow forces you command asked whether you would have them secure the buildings with the moonblade and talisman..."

Irenicus growled, walking over to the golem and pulling him up. "No. No, those are to be left alone. Khan must find the items and use them to get to me, am I clear? Now leave, and do not disturb me again!"

The iron golem shuffled off, leaving Irenicus alone once more. He sighed, thinking about how much longer he would have to wait for the paladin to arrive... he vaguely remembered a fairly comfortable looking chair back in the temple throne room...

X X X X X X

Irenicus looked around worriedly, hoping he hadn't missed them- no. Ellesime was still asleep, his runes and wards were still in place... good. He exhaled as he set the chair he had swiped from the throne room next to Ellesime's form, then sat down, rocking back and forth. It was actually quite comfortable... he examined the craftsmanship of the seat, admiring it. Very nice indeed... he would have to get one of these for his lair the next time he was out-

The sound of approaching footsteps caught his attention- he stood, kicked the chair off the branch into the abyss below where it would not be seen, stepped into the ring of magic he had drawn and began to cast his spells-

"Master..."

"What?!!" Irenicus snarled, his eyes blazing as he strode to the golem, seconds away from immolating his own servant. Irenicus glanced over the branch towards while he waited for the golem to speak. The chair was on a branch below, shattered into pieces. The wizard rubbed the bridge of his nose... _I really liked that chair._

X X X X X X

Khan looked up at the statues in the town square of Trademeet, admiring the work, the likeness of his party and himself. "Pretty good, huh, Imoen?"

"Wow. Real amazing, Khan..." Imoen huffed, poking him in the arm. "And you couldn't have waited to do this until after you rescued me? Ooo... maybe you could ask them if they'll trade out the statue of Yoshimo for one of me. He did betray you all, y'know..."

"Khan, don't you think we should return the Lanthorn to Elhan and the elves?" Mazzy asked, pointing to the artifact just barely sticking out of Khan's pack. "Surely Irenicus draws near to his goals by now..."

"Don't worry about it. He'll wait... really. He'll wait."

Khan noticed Mazzy's puzzled look; he shrugged and turned back to Imoen. "Hey... I could go for some ice cream. Anyone else?"


	8. Are We There Yet?

_Are We There Yet?_

_Author's Note: I don't know about this chapter. I really don't, honestly. If you liked it, great. If not... well, I couldn't figure out any other way to do it, really. Hope you enjoy, regardless!_ _  
_

Khan sighed, tapping his armored foot against the ground for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last minute. He refused to keep moving, in essence forcing the others to follow, just knowing what would happen if he did. And that was something he was quite unwilling to endure again. He forced himself to exhale, then inhale. Breathe in, breathe out. Simple, easy, relaxing... the sound of Imoen giggling shattered his concentration like a hammer to a window, and he found his hands clenched again, knuckles on the edge of turning white.

This was what he got for being a Bhaalspawn, Khan figured, snorting once. That nasty little temper that popped up every so often. It's not like they were doing anything terrible, or had really been there for that long. Nalia's place was pretty nice, especially after cleaning out the trolls and dead umber hulks. And it's not like he could have really said no... even Jaheira agreed that they deserved some time off after everything they had done. Now he wasn't one to decline some down time, but four weeks was pushing it. He was bored. He was tired of standing around doing nothing. By Torm, he felt like fighting something. A goblin, an orc, even a kobold.

"Khan! Are you sure you don't want to play?"

"No, just finish your game and get over here, okay?!" he yelled back, his voice containing a little more edge than normal. He felt a little bad, never liking to shout at Imoen, but he just couldn't help it. It was his fault, really; moving to the edge of the De'Arnise lands without realizing the others weren't right behind him. He supposed he could just go ahead and join the others, but they'd been there for four weeks already. Four weeks! He had vowed to stay right there until they left, but that vow was in serious danger of being broken right now. If he had to endure that blasted voice and phrase once more-

"Khan, we need one more person for the last game. The teams are uneven."

"Then just have someone sit out, okay? I'm not in the mood, Nalia... just finish your game and get ready to move." Khan growled, still fighting the urge to look at them.

"Boy, he's in a rotten mood." Nalia whispered to Imoen as the two of them moved out into the far side of the De'Arnise grounds, spacing themselves to catch the ball should it get that far. This odd game that Jan Jansen had taught them actually turned out to be quite entertaining.

"Meh, he's just ancy." Imoen shrugged. "But it's like something else is bugging him y'know? I mean sure, we were supposed to leave a couple of hours ago, but we got caught up talking outside-"

"Which led to the games." Nalia nodded. "Still, if he'd just stop being such a stick in the mud and join us, I'm sure-"

"I can hear you, you know!" Khan shouted, his back still to them as they turned to look at him with amusement. His back to them, the shout was not nearly as intimidating as it might have been otherwise. Imoen rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out, Nalia covering a laugh as the pink haired Bhaalspawn made different faces toward the grumpy paladin.

Of course, had Imoen or Nalia been paying attention, they would have seen who had just taken up home plate. Minsc raised the bat and grinned as Keldorn reared back, hurling the small white and red ball through the air- the cracking sound echoed across the lands as Minsc's swing connected, sending the ball soaring. It arced up, heading straight towards center field... right where Imoen and Nalia were supposedly fielding.

Luckily for them, the sound got their attention; unluckily, they turned just in time to see where its trajectory was headed. Both girls winced as they saw the ball connect with Khan's head, sending him to the ground without trouble. The paladin writhed on the ground for an instance with his hands on his head, cursing- that was the last straw. He was gone. They could follow or be left behind. He jumped to his feet, eyes blazing as he started to storm away-

A giant disembodied voice echoed through the air, rattling his ears, "YOU MUST GATHER YOUR PARTY BEFORE VENTURING FORTH..."

Nalia covered her mouth in shock as Imoen tried not to snicker, watching Khan swear loudly at nobody in particular as he continued to storm away. "Three, four, five... I didn't know Khan knew how to curse in so many languages."

"YOU MUST GATHER YOUR PARTY BEFORE VENTURING FORTH..."

"Oh. Make that six." Imoen noted.


	9. Stacked Odds

_Stacked Odds_

"So... how has Grashnuk been?"

"Fine. And Furt?"

"Eh... tired. Not much to do. No people left to kill or hunt. Always stuck in cave, listening to boss talk. Scary... especially when he get mad. Lots of smoke and fire... Furt want new boss."

The second orc nodded sympathetically as the two of them waited outside the entrance to Firkraag's lair. The quiet murmur of conversation was audible throughout the hundreds of orc minions and soldiers scattered throughout the forested entrance, all guarding and protecting their master's lair. Not that he really needed protection, more of a measure of status, Furt supposed. The orc glanced down at Grashnuk's sword, his eyes brightening. "Ooh! That new sword?"

Grashnuk nodded proudly, drawing the jagged blade as Furt looked at it admiringly. "Get from smith in forest. Very sharp... good for head-lopping. Hope we find someone today to lop."

"You have be fast." Furt warned. There lots of orcs out here today- master must think there be intruders on his land."

"Why he worry?" Grashnuk laughed, gesturing to the surrounding area. "There be thousands of orcs here! Master is big dragon! What could possibly get in?"

"Furt! Grashnuk! People coming! We hear from scouts- six humans and elves! Hide, now!" one of the orc guards shouted, the two exchanging glances of excitement and quickly diving into a set of bushes off to the side. They peeked over the top, their green skin blending in quite well with the shrubbery, truth be told. Granted, the shiny metallic helmets they wore didn't help matters any- but it was okay. There were still hundreds of orcs all attempting to hide in one way or another in ambush of their prey... there was little chance of survival for these poor fools. They had no idea they were entering the last few moments of their lives- Grashnuk checked the edge of his axe in excitement...

Khan motioned for the others to keep moving, squinting as he tried to peer through the dust lit beams of light that penetrated the foliage of the canopy above them. Firkraag's lair should be nearby... and if what Windspear had told them was right, they would have no peace from the Radiant Heart until they brought this murderer to justice. He glanced behind him, seeing a particularly tight grimace on Keldorn's face... he sympathized highly. Ajantis had been one of the knights they had been tricked into killing, one of their former companions and one of Keldorn's former squires.

He tightened the grip he held on the great sword he carried- Firkraag would be in for it if they ever managed to catch up with the villain. He had no doubt there would be defenses, traps, guardians... Khan wasn't worried. He looked down at the little scroll tucked into his belt, patted it to comfort himself, then kept moving.

"Psst... Khan's been acting funny lately." Aerie whispered to Haer'Dalis as the two continued following, behind the paladin. "What does he keep checking?"

"Hmm... I do not know, my dove." Haer'Dalis frowned, peering at their leader. "Perhaps some sort of map? A magical item which shall guide our path? Our good raven has many tricks he does not reveal to us- he never did enlighten us as to what 'XP' stands for."

"I know... just-" Aerie began, but Minsc suddenly jolted to a stop, his eyes narrow as his head turned this way and that, all his senses on full alert.

The ranger listened to every sound in the forest- picking up the slightest breeze, the flutter of bird's wings... the shifting of splint mail. He turned gravely to Khan, who was waiting for him. "We are not alone."

"How many, do you think?" Khan whispered back, clutching his sword with one hand, the other going to the parchment on his belt.

Minsc looked this way and that, gesturing towards the clearing up ahead where the entrance to Firkraag's lair was visible. "Boo counts twenty he can see from here- Minsc guesses another hundred or so."

Khan cursed quietly, pulling the scroll open and scanning it, before rolling it up again. "What are they? Wolfweres? Trolls?"

Minsc listened for another few moments- he sniffed once, then shook his head. "No... just orcs. Lots and lots of orcs."

And just like that... Khan smiled. He laughed aloud, shaking his head in relief as he beckoned for the others to keep moving. Minsc's eyes widened as he saw Khan stride into the clearing alone- "Khan!"

The others dashed in after him, and the trap was sprung. Hordes of orcs swarmed out of the bushes and trees, outnumbering them twenty to one. They were surrounded, blocked on all sides by the orc horde, swords drawn and snarls of anticipated flesh coming from their grotesque mouths. Grashnuk and Furt were both at the back of the horde- Furt turned to Grashnuk and pushed him harshly. "This your fault! We never get good spots!"

"It okay." Grashnuk sniffed. "They kill some of us... we get in and kill when weak. Me save our lives. You should be grateful."

"Khan... what are we going to do?" Jaheira asked out of clenched teeth as she leveled her spear at one of the orcs, jumping in and out of her range, the whole party bunched together in a last-ditch circle defense.

Khan sighed, pulling the scroll out of his belt and unrolling it, checking the figures. "Trust me on this... we have nothing to worry about. I'd say that's... splint mail they're wearing, and regular long swords and axes. We've got... okay. Aerie, you might want to stay behind Minsc. Everyone else, let's move. As much fun as it would be to kill everyone, we simply don't have the time, and quite frankly, it would be very tiring."

He pushed one of the bewildered orcs aside, clearing a path for the others to follow- Grashnuk watched in amazement as Khan passed by- he swung his new sword with a roar, aiming to cleave the paladin's head in two. It came within inches of hitting- then slid off, veering to the side abruptly. He looked at his weapon as though betrayed- Khan turned to look at him with a snicker, shaking his head. "Please. Hmm... nice sword, by the way."

As they pushed their way out of the confounded orcs, the paper Khan had kept in his belt slipped out, fluttering to the ground. The other orcs howled in displeasure, finally gathering their wits enough to chase the party into Firkraag's cavern- Furt and Grashnuk sauntered over to the paper and unrolled it, even as the sound of orcs dying began echoing from the Firkraag's lair.

Grashnuk scanned it- he threw it down, swearing in anger.

"What it say?" Furt asked.

"Chart he draws say that Grashnuk using unmagical sword and is orc. He wearing full plate armor, with ring and cloak of protection, along with amulet. He has AC of -11... I has THAC0 of 15. I never hit him."

_Author's PostScript: Okay, maybe he could have hit him with a critical roll... but killing dozens of 'weak' monsters at one go with barely any damage is kind of ridiculous, too._


	10. Keeping It Simple

_Keep It Simple_

The young man sighed as he looked over his list, a mixture of longing and frustration crossing his features. A shadow crossed the table in front of him, and he looked up in surprise to see the heavy-set bartender wiping the counter before him. The bartender arched one eyebrow, looking at the warring expressions on his face. "Hey there son... what'll it be for ya?"

"Ah... nothing right now. Maybe just water." he said with a sad smile.

"Eh. Not many folk come into the Coronet to order water." the bartender grinned. "Bernard's the name; no strangers here, least not while Hendak runs the place. There something else I can do for ya? Ye look a bit down on your luck."

"Thanks, I'm Tyriel... but no, not really." the black-haired man said with a sigh, running a hand over his face. "I'm just... well, I need to find a wizard who will train me. My old master died, and I never got to complete my training. There wasn't much left, just some recommendations of the spells I should focus on, but... I don't know what to do, and I'm afraid I'll choose wrong on my own!"

Bernard thought for a moment, then grinned and nodded as he stroked the folds under his chin. "Hey then... I might just be able to direct ye in the right direction. Y'see them armored sorts over at the big table, 'cross the room?"

Tyriel scanned the room, looking for anyone who would fit the description of the bartender... there were several groups, most with armor- his eyes widened as he saw just who Bernard was referring to. "Them?!"

"Yep. Tell 'em I sent ye, eh?" Bernard chuckled, returning to his monotonous duty of cleaning the ever-filthy counter.

"But... but I can't talk to them!" Tyriel whispered, his hands shaking. "That's the Bhaalspawn! The one who saved Baldur's Gate!"

"Ye've a keen eye, that much be true." Bernard yawned. "So go and talk with em. Say Bernard sent you... they'll fix you up, right and proper. Those two lasses, Miss Imoen and Miss Aerie? They're the best spell-throwers this side of the Marching Mountains. Ye'll not do better than them. So go and ask yer questions before they leave, eh? Always off on some adventure or other..."

Bernard left the counter, heading towards the stock room, leaving Tyriel to swallow in fear as he watched the six adventurers seated at the table. He tried to stop staring, but he couldn't take his eyes off them. The Heroes of Baldur's Gate. The Saviors of Suldenesselar. He'd read Volo's book about them. They were quite possibly the most powerful mortals walking Faerun... he saw the leader, the big paladin stand and say something to his companions; the druid that sat beside him stood as well, and the two of them left the table, heading upstairs.

A fit of panic struck him. Were they leaving? If he wanted to talk to them, he'd have to be quick-

"Heya."

He nearly jumped out of his skin as he whirled around, the pink-haired mage now suddenly behind him, a sweet grin on her face as she took delight in the simple joke she'd somehow managed to play on him. "How did... I didn't see you-"

"Yeah, I know. I'm good at sneaking, that's all." Imoen laughed, flipping her hair out of her face as she reclined against the bar. "Of course, with the way you were staring at us for the past few minutes, I figured you were either a creepy stalker, or needed our help with something. Or trying to kill us, but you don't look like an assassin. 'Course, I've been wrong before about that kind of thing..."

"No! No, I just..." he trailed off after the initial vehement denial. The last thing he wanted was to earn the ire of these powerful men and women. He had heard Imoen was a prankster, possibly the kindest of the group, but that didn't make her any less deadly if pushed. "I didn't mean to stare. Honest."

"Could've fooled me." Imoen shrugged, nodding at Bernard who grinned as he slid a drink across the bar to her, Imoen catching it with one hand and downing it in one go. He watched her in amazement as she chugged for a moment, then set it down contentedly. "So... what'cha want?"

"Um... well, I-" he stuttered, trying to figure out how to ask her- HER, Imoen, one of the only two Bhaalspawn still alive- if he could get her advice on what spells he should learn? "I was just, uh-"

"Imoen, you're not tormenting the boys around here again, are you?" a soft, gentler voice took away what nerve he'd gained, as Aerie strode over to the pair. "Hello there..."

"Um... hi." he managed, not able to say much more.

"Ah, the boy just wants to ask you about some spellcastin or other!" Bernard called from the other side of the bar. "See now lad, was that too hard?"

He gulped, even as Aerie and Imoen exchanged glances before meeting his gaze. "Really? Well... sure. Why not? What do ya want to know? I assume yer a wizard or a mage or something like that..."

"I... well, I'm ready to start adventuring soon." he explained, clearing his throat as he finally began feeling himself settle down. "I just need to know what kinds of spells I'll need. You know..."

"Of course." Aerie smiled and nodded. "Let us read your list here, and we'll give you our opinion, okay?"

"Really?" Tyriel's face brightened, excitement filling his eyes as he handed the parchment over to the two girls. "Thanks! I just hope one day I'll be good enough to learn these spells. I did a lot of research into the powerful ones..."

He trailed off as he watched the two girls frown, going down his list. He felt even more nervous as Imoen chewed her lip, shaking her head as her eyes traveled down the list. It seemed like an eternity before they had finished, as they looked at each other again, sighing. "Um... Tyriel? Yeah... this needs some work. There's a lot of spells on here you're not going to want. You had a few good ones, but you have a lot to learn about spellcasting." Aerie said as gently and apologetically as possible.

"Oh... okay." he nodded, gathering himself. "D-do you have any advice? I mean, like specifics?"

"Well... I suppose we could cover some of these." Imoen shrugged. "Okay... first, you had down Disintegrate. Turns a monster to dust, no questions asked, no going back. And... useless. Why kill a monster if you can't take his stuff?"

"Flesh to Stone. Same problem." Aerie let her eyes drift down the list. "Wail of the Banshee... by the time you get where you can use it, no enemy will be weak enough to be killed by it. Useless."

"Er... really?" Tyriel said, surprise leaking into his voice. "I thought those were all really powerful-"

"Meh." Imoen shook her head. "What else... Imprisonment? Again... no loot. Why bother? And these Symbol Spells... no. Nothing you meet will have less than 60 hit points, and by the time you get them below that, you won't need it. Energy Drain? When you could have Time Stop? Don't even get me started."

Tyriel blinked. "H-hit points? I don't understand..."

"Er... forget it." Aerie shook her head. "Maybe we should stop focusing on your aspirations and look at some of the things you could actually cast soon. Hmm... okay. Chill Touch, Shocking Grasp, Color Spray... they all have one thing in common, right?"

"Yeah. You have to let yourself be cut to little pieces if you want to use them." Imoen snorted. "Trust us... nothing that makes you get within a few feet of your opponent... which cuts most of these low level spells."

Tyriel simply nodded as they kept going. "Grease, Sleep, Deafness... all useless."

"Vocalize? Handy... if not for the fact you have to speak to cast it." Imoen chuckled as she tossed that one out as well. "Know Alignment... as if you'll ever need that... Luck, Hold Undead... Any and all Monster Summonings... not unless you like having tons of useless fodder running around like chickens with their heads cut off. You know what, we'll make this easier on you. Here's a list of all the spells you'll ever actually need."

Tyriel frowned as they handed him a small scrap of paper, then waved as they headed back toward their own table. "Are... are you sure?!"

They simple nodded as he watched them leave, then looked down at his paper, reading what had been inscribed there.

_Stoneskin._

_Magic Missile. _

_Breach. _

_Fireball._

_Repeat._

Aerie glanced at Imoen as they headed upstairs, following the rest of their companions. "Amazing, isn't it... one hundred ninety-four spells..."

"And most of them are absolute crap."

_Author's Note: Well, when you go 4 months without posting a new chapter, I think it's safe to retire a story like this one. Pretty sure there won't be a Volume 3... but I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted. My thanks for reading, reviewing, and if you have any other Screen Breaches you think would be funny to write about... well, give them a go for yourself! As for me… well, my days of Breaching the Screen are done, and this time it's sticking. Regards-_

_Capt. Incredible _


End file.
